we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
