3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
