We won't sleep together?
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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