Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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