Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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