My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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