I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
