why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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