I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
