I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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