I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
