phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize