you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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