I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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