i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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