Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
sick fucks of a feather flock together
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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