Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
