I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
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If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
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He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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