i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
