she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
