When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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