I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
