it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
