Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
