Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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