Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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