Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Let's paint friendship bongs
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
