I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
