I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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