is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Randomize
