Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.