the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
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I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
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But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.