my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
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You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
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Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.