Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
