don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
