hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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