Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
