is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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