Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
