I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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