I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
