Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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