i was born a porn star she said
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Randomize
