i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We had to coat check the pizza.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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