absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
The adults are the big ones right?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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