doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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