oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
