Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
