yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
