i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
is wine microwaveable?
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I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
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i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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