I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
