her vagine was all disorganized.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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