You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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