Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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