I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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