it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize