Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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