listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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