if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
