Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
