I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
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He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god