We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
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He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
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He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
what food is Colorado known for?