Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...