i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.