what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
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We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
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She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.