so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I just blew my weed a kiss
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight