I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
