Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
