In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
