My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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