I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
